do or do not... there is no "try"

it's come to my attention that i'm hecka fat!!! haha not that i'm super self-conscious or anything. but man, at this rate, i'mma die at like 50. but i also know that i was created in an image and likeness that i'm not holding up to... and that with excessive amounts of unhealthy foods and beverages, i'm defiling the body that has been given to me as a gift. i need to make a change in the way i live my life. i've gotta take better care of myself, not only for myself, but for whoever i'm gonna marry in the future (if that's what i'm called to do).

i'm not talking about "dieting." i'm talking about making real changes... difficult changes. just thinking about these changes makes me wanna stop typing and hit cancel. but something hit me at mass the other night

Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly,
and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully.
Each must do as already determined, without sadness or compulsion

(2 Corinthians 9:6-7)

it's largely my choice whether i become diabetic, hypertensive, or chronically ill. i can't necessarily influence how or at what age i die, but i can make sure that i'm living right until that day. so i'm going back to blogging about what and when i eat. from experience, i can eat as much as i want as long as the food i'm eating is nutritious. back when i was fitter, this was what i ate:

meat and vegetables
seeds and nuts
some fruit
little starch
no sugar

rice. rice is my weakness. ulam without rice is usually so strong-tasting. but you know what? i did without it before - because i chose to... because i was made to be stronger than compulsion. the next line in that passage says "God is able to make every grace abundant for you" (2 Corinthians 9:8). i've been wanting to do this for so long, but i've been hesitant because i don't wanna do it alone. but i'm not really alone. i have to be mentally and spiritually strong in order to reach my physical goals.

my biggest physical goal will be reached when i can fit into my old size 38 jeans... comfortably. no dumps hanging out. no bj asking me "are you wearing shorts under that?" haha. i will reach my goal by my birthday, december 16. this year, i'm giving myself a birthday present: more birthdays to come. haha. as of right now, saturday and sunday are my designated "cheat days." by the end of the month, sundays are reserved for cheating.

as long as we're talking about rules, i'll get into specifics of what to watch out for
-rice (gotta cut down in baby steps because it's so deeply programmed into my brain)
-alcoholic beverages (i definitely don't need that beer with my burger... even though it tastes so good)
-buns (no buns--->hot buns. hahaha just kidding)
-soda, candy, sweeteners, high-fructose corn syrup (i don't do most of those anyway, but HFCS is in everything these days!)
-processed foods, junk with msg especially.

i'm adding
-daily readings/reflection (gotta get the mind right first)
-more greens (spinach for sure!!!)
-daily pushups and air squats (corresponding to the day of the month. next month, it's two-a-day pushups and squats... pushups are my weakness. squats will just make me get to my goal faster. haha)
-hoop!
-jump rope... hopefully double-unders for days
-weights
-yogurt, cottage cheese (especially at night. gotta have peaches or strawberries too)
-interval running (i'mma be doing hella 40s... but not the mickey's or old english kind)
-multi vitamin
-conjugated linoleic acid (never tried it when i was doing crossfit, but i hear it's good for you)

i was gonna do omega 3, but there's a bunch of stuff saying it has possible links to prostate cancer. with my family history... yeah. haha... no. glucosamine? i hope i'm not that old. hahaha. but maybe.

oh, and sleep? i'mma get my 8-10 hours because that does a lot of good for the body (even though i feel like you waste time sleeping!) with that, good night. i begin 8/12/2011... when i wake up. haha

discovery camp

Before Discovery Camp, it'd been a really long time since I attended a retreat as a participant. For years, I had been a leader in BLD and had begun taking on a few leadership roles in YFL. In all the years I had been leading, I led the same retreats over and over again, gave the same talks, and helped different people but with the same problems. I could pretty much give you a whole retreat from memory. Though I felt I was able to help direct many youth to a higher spiritual level, I felt that I had no direction myself. I had been stuck, unable to climb the wall to the next level of my own spiritual journey. I thought I had learned pretty much all that there was to learn. After all, I had been in two different communities, yet the lessons I learned from one were repeated almost verbatim in the other. I thought Discovery Camp would be all the same, but it wasn't.

Discovery Camp was so completely different from any retreat I've ever taken. For starters, we had a lot of freedom to do whatever we wanted to do with our free time; and there was plenty of free time. But that wasn't really what made this retreat different. What made this retreat different was the content. Now, I've taken singles retreats in BLD and I've attended CLS probably 3 different times (because for some reason, I can't ever finish one). All of the information was the same. Every retreat I'd been to was filled with talks and sharings from other people about what it was like before and after they found God, accepted Jesus, and became filled with the Holy Spirit. During those retreats, the message was "God is with you during your big struggle." That's a good message to take away, but I'm past that really big struggle. Every day, I deal with little things - different things - that I never had to face as a youth.

None of the past retreats I've participated in or led has helped me deal with college, careers, or the possibility of marriage. I've never analyzed my purpose, pleasure, and pain so much. I've never done any of these things. But after attending Discovery Camp, I wished I had done them 5 years ago when I first got to the University of Washington. These are the things that are on my mind now, as a college student trying to figure out what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. I never had a plan going into college. It took me five years - Discovery Camp - to even begin thinking about planning. It took me five years to realize that that plan is the most important thing I need to set in becoming who and what I want to be. All of the past retreats I took helped to shape who I am today. But Discovery Camp helped me shape the man I'm going to be.

sharing the burden

http://www.usccb.org/nab/080309.shtml

how hard it is to deal with people! people complain all the time, they come to "worship" and their reasons are the least of pure, and sometimes, they're just downright annoying. this reading from the Book of Numbers is exactly how i've felt about a particular community. but read on. i think what happens next is extremely comforting.

Numbers 11:16-17 says:

Then the LORD said to Moses, "Assemble for me seventy of the elders of Israel, men you know for true elders and authorities among the people, and bring them to the meeting tent. When they are in place beside you, I will come down and speak with you there. I will also take some of the spirit that is on you and will bestow it on them, that they may share the burden of the people with you. You will then not have to bear it by yourself.

i think that's beautiful. before conference, i had the blessing of being able to discuss the highs and lows of being a leader with some really wise brothers and sisters. they gave me a bunch of inspiration. but more than that, their empathy towards my situation let me know that any efforts of mine were part of something much greater... even above all of our combined efforts, God is totally in control. for two weeks, i was a witness to what happens when everybody in the room acknowledges that God is in control. for two weeks, i not only witnessed it; i became part of that movement.

now, after conference, i ask God each new day to continue using my hands to do his work, my feet to spread his Gospel, my mouth to proclaim his words, my mind to reflect on his thoughts, and my heart to love as he loves. but what a beautiful thing to know that everybody who lived at the Kildare house is doing the same thing.

we are moved by the same spirit, and that's freaking awesome!

243.8

243.8. I'm about to leave for Chicago, and I need to get to 240 or under that. It's going to be a real challenge to maintain proper nutrition: plenty of veggies, proteins, unsaturated fats, some fruit, never refined carbs, never sugar.

I'm gonna tough it out. I have workouts written down. I'm going to work out every day. Wake-up calls would be lovely if I have any volunteers!!! haha but I will do this. It starts bright and early this morning.

For time: 37 pushups, 37 squats, 100 sit-ups. That will get me caught up with BBBB.
-Time = 10:17 (5 AM workout!!!)

It's been a long time

Last night's weight: 246.2 (thermal + shorts)
Morning weight: 245... finally! no letting up on that nutrition.

BR Day 3

Morning weigh-in: 250.2. Despite being here for so long, I feel physical improvements all around. Getting my nutrition right and not turning back will help me drop the last 25 pounds though.

Nutrition

WOD

Supplements

Beat Rommel Day 2

Day 1 was yesterday. I didn't eat like crap. Rommel Nobleza, I can't let you beat me. I need that $500 badly! That means I have to get back to rethink my nutritional intake and ramp up my workouts. And I've got to at least try to blog to try and keep my nutritional intake in check.

Nutrition
-0800: 1 package of Fred Meyer deli chicken; 1 package of Fred Meyer deli turkey; 1 cup Tillamook peach yogurt; 16 oz nonfat milk
-0830: 1 pan-fried porkchop
-1230: 1 pan-fried porkchop (again)
-1630: mcdonald's double cheeseburger (no bun)
-1930: 1 package of Fred Meyer deli turkey; string cheese; 1 cup Tillamook huckleberry yogurt
-2100: brocolli and fish balls in an oyster sauce reduction; 3 slices of cantaloupe; 8 oz nonfat milk

WOD
-0600: [21-15-9, for time] 35-kg overhead squats + modified ring dips: time=9:56
-1730: [21-15-9, for time] 40-kg hanging power cleans + pushups (half of them were modified): time=6:03

5-rep max. notes
-Hanging Power Snatch: 20 kg is the only one i've tried during any workout truly involving HPS (6.22.2009).
-Front Squat: 80 kg (kills my shoulders in rack position, and i can't keep my heels down sometimes. gotta work on those) (6.22.2009)
-Push Press: 50 kg (6.22.2009)
-Press: 52 kg (6.29.2009)
-Back Squat: 100 kg (gotta keep the heels down, elbows up) (6.29.2009)
-Overhead Squat: 35 kg (6.30.2009)

Other notes
-Half-Cindy PR: 7 rounds + 5 [rows, honest pushups, squats] (6.11.2009)
-Tabata This PR: 45 [push-ups, sit-ups, ring rows, squats, sumo deadlift high-pulls] I'll look up the details (lowest) for each. (6.29.2009)